We live in a societal construct today that is built in a way to make women feel bad about themselves. We have been born into a structure that is causing us to be so disconnected from our bodies that it is impacting us further than just effecting our self esteem but also our spiritual growth. We are polluted through every sense possible. Everywhere you turn there is a certain look that is being shown, and whether or not you actively partake in the reading of magazines, watching tv shows, trying to keep up to date with the latest fashion; the subliminal and not so subliminal messages are unavoidable. If it doesn’t come direct from the source (the people making money off your self hate), it will be regurgitated to you from a friend who believes she is fat or ugly. If you didn’t already think this about yourself you might now be thinking ‘if she thinks she fat what must she think about me’. And so these conversations, combined with the vile unachievable representation of women portrayed in what is a male dominated media outlet, the constant advert for Botox, or implants or efforts to make you everything you are not, you’ve created a perfect recipe for a young girl to believe that everything she is isn’t enough.
I was a victim to this.
I spent years and years of my life crying in the mirror.
I spent nights in pain crying wondering why I was so ugly.
I used to dress in only black.
I had panic attacks every time I had to leave the house for a social event.
I never felt beautiful.
I never felt enough.
Always I thought that as soon as somebody met me, they were looking at how fat and ugly I was.
Of course this seeped into all of my life. I never had any confidence around men, I never felt that anybody would ever find me attractive and so this small wound created in my mind seeped out into a huge amputation of my self worth, given away in a desperate bid to feel good about myself.
In the common conversations that women have on a regular basis, almost like a competitive match of who can put themselves down the most, I always wanted to win. I had to win. I was the fattest. I was the ugliest.
Believe or chose not to believe, the link between a thought and then its manifestation in the world as something tangible but through my life I have noticed the correlation and power. So unknowlingly at that time, when I thought all the terrible things I did about myself, that is the same person I turned up as. The same person everybody saw. My inner intuitive mind now recognises the destruction that I was causing to myself by thinking these thoughts.
Nobody saw how kind I was, nobody saw my interest in philosophy and the interest in intricate workings of the world, nobody saw how I liked to write sometimes and was a desperate dreamer, nobody saw how I always felt I was psychic, nobody saw my deep love for my sister and my mum, my dad and my brothers, nobody saw my friendships and my deep empathy for the world. Nobody saw me. (Slight exaggeration many people did see me and they helped me grow into who I am today).
Because that’s not the book I was writing. They say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but we definitely innately judge a human by their vibrational energy and mine was low.
I was living out the same habitual patterns, I was watching tv and sleeping all day, I was drinking alcohol and masking my face with make up, masking my soul with learnt behaviours, I was taking antibiotics for multiple years to unsuccessfully clear up my chronic acne, I was abusing laxatives in a desperate plea to feel skinny, I had no clue about what was nutritious, my taste buds called out for food that had a vibrational match to me, junk food, fake food.
If you know me, reading this might seem like a person you’ve never met. So how did I get to where I am now? Well you know how they say ‘no good story ever started with a salad’?, this one does. At around the age of 20 I started eating vegetables, daily. Being the girl that had always pushed the veg to one side because it was ‘disgusting’ this was an interesting experience for me. My then malnourished body applauded me for this showering of fresh foods, suddenly I was able to wake up earlier, without a struggle. My mind felt less fussy. My struggles with constipation started to pass, and with the gut clearing came mind clearing, I took up running, my body just wanted to move. From taking up running I started attending yoga classes (you can read about that here) From the yoga classes I was led to a yoga teacher training course, of course I’m summarising a few years of events but all of these things I had started to do, started to shift my mindset, started to shift my energy levels, started to raise my vibration.
When I went on my teacher training I was fascinated with learning about the connection to the true Self, the soul. I learnt more deeply about the power of thought. I had this yearning desire to help others in the world to recognise people for their souls and not for their aesthetics.
Though upon this journey it cannot be ignored that our aesthetics are a byproduct of our thought and also of what we are putting into our body.
Take for example, the image portrayed in the media that I was discussing earlier, this causes young women to start consuming all sorts of lotions and potions that cause literal blocks in the physical body to the energy body. And so it becomes difficult to recognise people for their souls because we cannot see or feel the soul past the man made chemicals and pollutants that surround and deeply imbed us. Which is why overcoming body dysmorphia is more than just changing a thought, it’s more than counselling or anti depressants, it’s revolutionising your whole life. It is recognising that somebody out there is making a huge profit from your belief that you are not enough and therefor deciding that you will no longer feed the dream of the hierarchical white man: a world of oppressed woman, who don’t tap into their true power. It is finding ways to reconnect with your true power, your intuition, a woman’s greatest power. The guiding light in a a woman’s life. We woman are literal portals to the spirit realm. Whether we chose to or not, our body holds the capacity to create life, and that life we create goes through cycles just as we do of ageing but also becoming wiser.
Overcoming body dysmorphia for me means dismantling patriarchal rule, for me means tapping into my true power, for me means rewiring all of my neurological paths, learning to love myself, means I rid my body mind and soul from all that which is distorted and dysmorphed my view so that I may stand in front of a person and vibrate as my true self. So that I may enter a room and people will feel my presence not because I bring a dark energy of hating who I am, but because I bring light and healing energy of love for myself and love for the rest of the world.
So how did I over come body dysmorphia
I remembered who I was.
A sacred woman.
A giver of life.
And my mission is that you may realise that too. Whether you are male or female we all hold inside of us that strong Shakti power, the divine feminine.
The pain we woman are feeling now are labour pains for a birth of a new world.
A softer world.
I overcome body dysmorphia by deciding that I will not pass on generational curses into the next influx of souls, by deciding to dedicate my life to empowering each and every individual, to embody love.
Keep on healing,
Contact me via: firstname.lastname@example.org for detail on courses and classes 🙂