The Divine Union : Finding balance in a same sex relationship

The Divine Union: Finding balance in a same sex relationship

I was informed quite recently that a plug and its socket are sometimes known as male and female, the plug being the male and the socket being the female.  In electrical trades, each pair is assigned as the gender of male or female, the female connection is the indented chamber, her duty as a mechanical appliance to graciously “receive” and hold the male connector in its penetrative being.  To connect the two is ‘to mate’.  The analogy of course is in reference to male and female genitalia and the act of sexual intercourse, the penetrated being female, the penetrator being male, the giver being male, the receiver being female.  

Of course naturally, being a in a same sex relationship, you imagine the absurdity of trying to press to sockets together to create and energy flow.  Electrically and mechanically speaking it just wouldn’t work. 



The correspondence of trying to relate myself or the female species as a socket, of course is a disservice to all that is feminine, in real life terms, we are much more complex than a compartment created only to be filled. Though, I imagine many women could relate to the feeling of being almost worthless until, their life is penetrated with a male energy. I have definitely subscribed to those feelings in the past. That my ability to obtain the other masculine half of myself defines me, that if I could not find my male counterpart to complete me, then I was not worthy. 

Know what I mean?

My partner now though is a female, turns out I was looking on the wrong team for my captain the whole time, and through weird metaphors and electrician talk, I would like to share some of the psychological difficulties that come with the identification of being “gay” and how our energies naturally find ways to balance themselves, no matter what our gender. 


I cannot say I have faced any obvious adversity in my ‘coming out’ if you can call it that, it was not quite the show Philip Schofield had, but I am sure some people were pretty shocked. Myself included I must say. My Mum was a little bit shaken at first, but that was mainly due to my deficient decision to inform her the typical fairytale life wasn’t happening – through a text. I know it was an awful decision, I am a little separated at times from what is the right way of doing things, I knew she had her suspicions so my text was just a confirmation.  Anyway after the initial shock, she came around and voiced that it would explain a lot of my melancholic nature and disobedient behaviour growing up, she didn’t use those words, I am trying to poetic.  It resonated though to be honest, maybe my denial of my true sexuality had led me to a life of feeling unsettled, of not knowing who I was, of not understanding myself, so I reacted as any normal human being would, by searching for all that was external to me to bring me happiness, inevitably of course, it gave me the spade to dig a deeper hole into desperation and searching. 


My Mum and Dad both said, they always knew.  I was astonished, I suppose they do say your parents know you better than you know yourself, but I cannot say the same for myself that I had “always known”.  It had crossed my mind, but I am a daydreamer, I had thought it nothing more than my imagination speculating the potential of finding my other socket.  I obviously pushed it to the back of my mind, to the “thats not normal” section of my brain.  And thats what I want to bring some awareness to, the normal-ness or apparent lack thereof of pressing to sockets together.  It is not the done thing. Right? Because everything and everywhere you look, inclusive of the electrical world, the “Divine Union” is a male and a female.  

Yin and yang fit so perfectly together in their masculine and feminine bisections. Shiva and Shakti in their divine dance.  So what happens when you don’t want to dance with Shiva, but Shakti is looking quite appetising.  Are you less divine? If you don’t want your socket to be filled, but instead are curious as to what might happen if you stuck your tongue in the socket. What happens when you are searching for more of an electrical shock, looking outside of the ‘norm’. 

You face an internal struggle. 

#loveislove hash tagged all over the internet and rainbows on street signs really help to emphasis the “normalness” of your relationship. *que eye roll*. I understand in its entirety the relevance and significance of this, but I cant help but wince from the inside when I see young straight people head to toe in rainbow colours, hash tagging love is love and letting everybody know its okay to be gay.  The magnitude of fuss made, somehow has the opposite effect of normalising and makes you feel somewhat strange. Do not misunderstand me in that, I truly understand and respect the significance of the gay rights movement and I know that without it I would not even be able to write this blog post, but something about it glorifies your relationship, in a way that makes you feel everything less than normal.  

There is a sense of homophobia in the collective consciousness, same way there is sexism and  racism, there is a sense of feeling like ‘something isn’t quite right’ when a person is gay.  Everybody wants to work out why this person is gay, maybe they just haven’t found the right person of the opposite sex yet, maybe its daddy issues. It was only in 2005 when same sex couples were granted the right to enter a civil partnership and only 6 years ago in 2014 was same sex marriage legalised in the UK.  It is still not legal in many countries of the world.  Naturally the history of misconduct towards men and women who identified as homosexual/bisexual is ingrained into our DNA. So on a subconscious level, there is a fight going on, though not one ounce of your conscious mind thinks your relationship is wrong, small messages and indicators that surround you somehow imply that it is. At present we are in Bali, before we came here I had to google ‘is it legal to be gay in Bali?’ my google search results informed me it was legal but it was also ‘frowned upon’ now I am an open minded and understanding person, I appreciate how societies have been developed and constructed and even appreciate that a person might not have the capacity to understand how to people of the same sex could ever fall in love, because once again social norms and religious beliefs have taught us only of the male and female union.  Therefor I do respect that it might come as quite a shock to a 70 year old hindu balinese woman to see two young white girls kissing in the middle of the street, it is within my nature to ‘respect’ peoples feelings towards it.  We always joke if we kiss in public and hold hands and say ‘dont its “frowned upon”’ it is half a joke, but half of you is wondering if people are onlooking in dismay at your poor decision to engage in this unorthodox behaviour.  


What is noticeable throughout history and these behaviours and understandings toward same sex relationships is the lack of understanding of energies, of how the energy works beyond the plug and socket.  How energy existed even before the plug and socket. Nature has a a beautiful way of restoring equilibrium, in any relationship gay or straight what you will usually see is a more masculine dominant energy and a more feminine dominant energy.  And thats what it is all about really energies. And I want to share with you the beautiful and majestic way that Emma and myself have found our own divine dance between Shiva and Shakti. 

Energy; you see, is genderless, though we express as one particular gender, we hold inside of us both energies, masculine and feminine, the divine union is within us.  And most of our problems are rooted in the idea that it is external to us.  Spiritually speaking we are attempting, to get back to that sense and feeling of oneness.  That feeling of oneness does not manifest from your ability to find the most divine being of the opposite sex to complete you it comes from embracing and nurturing your own inner masculine and feminine energies.  

Within my relationship neither of us is especially masculine, there isn’t one set role between either of us, in fact; as is the only constant we are ever changing and transforming from one energy to the next in accordance with each other.  

As women, we have a beautiful divine dance between the masculine and feminine energies that presents itself in our internal cycle, of the 4 weeks of our inner cycle, we interchange between two polar energies, masculine(via positiva) and feminine(via negative).  When we are in our more ‘feminine state’ it is our pre-menstrum (week before bleeding) and bleeding phase, when we are in our ‘masculine state’ is is our pre ovulation and ovulation phase.  If you already have an understanding of these energies and seasons working within your own being, your comprehension of what I am going to explain will be better, if you’d like to better understand these energies and how they unfold in your cycle email me and I will send you out my ebook.  

As a female or even a male observer I am sure you have noticed how women cycles tend to sync up, this is a well known fact amongst women.  The more time you spend with another woman the more likely it is that your cycles will sync up, so you will bleed at the same time.  I am not sure if science has an answer for this, but let us call it a force of nature.  It is quite incredible, even the ladies in my morning yoga classes would sync up with me, most of the women close to me were bleeding at pretty much the same time as me.  

So you would assume right, that me and Emma bleed at the same time? 

Your assumption would be wrong.  Our cycle is completely opposite, when she bleeds I am ovulating when I am ovulating she bleeds.  Incredible right? 

We always pondered this and speculated how bizarre it was that I could be synced up with the women in my yoga class but not with my girlfriend with whom I share almost every moment of my life and share a bed with.  

Then we realised, the two sides of the cycle.  The masculine and the feminine, when I was in receiving mode, Emma was in giving mode and vice verser.  My shiva dances with her shakti. So within our relationship, the energies are finding there own unique way to balance, and its a beautiful thing to be able to see the contrast between the two, as you watch your partner slowly emerge from the inner world of the feminine and moon like energy into the external world and sun energies. It also gives you the opportunity to work on your internal energies in each phase of the cycle, to embrace the pulse between the two.  

Ultimately we have found our own flow, and there are no plugs required. 

Thanks for reading, I hope your can find your own unique dance, free from judgement. 

Happy Healing, 


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