What does it mean to be a woman?
I have been thinking a lot of late, about being a woman.
A woman, it is a strange thing really, what fascinating creatures we are. I have never really felt that I fit the shoes of a woman, quite literally, I would much rather be bare foot. This does not mean to say I want to be a boy, though I have always envied them. It appears that their life comes with a lot less pressures (excuse the mild sexism – I really do not know how life is for a male).
For as long as I can remember, I have always felt a little off in a dress, though I have worn make up, I have never really understood how to apply it, or more so, where people learn to apply it – did I miss that lesson in school? I do not know what primer is used for and my eyebrows are most definitely never ‘on fleek’. I once dyed my hair blonde when I was 18, outside of that – I rarely visit the hairdressers and when I do – it is always a strange ordeal, it is like some sort of culture shock, where I have walked into this unknown country, everyone is speaking the native tongue of highlights, toners and styling. When I am around women I always start saying random sentences like, ‘oh my hair looks terrible’ or ‘I must get a facial’ – like I feel as though that’s what helps me to relate, it’s a bit like when you start using your school GCSE French, on a trip to Paris. You really are trying, but it is pretty obvious that you aren’t from round here.
Though I absolutely adore women, I have always felt more comfortable in male company. Right from when I was a little girl, I wanted to hang out with my brothers, play football and wear football kits, I didn’t understand why I had to go the female toilets and couldn’t just go with my Dad. I have never been on a ‘girls holiday’, but lots of ‘lads weekends’. With men it just felt simple, less judgemental.
My friends and I at primary school started a movement to allow girls to wear pants to school. We started a petition. And much to my mother’s dismay – it was granted, and I wore long grey pants to school and played football without worrying about my knickers being on show.
I have been told a few times, that maybe I have some underlying issues with feminine energy and I should be more in touch with my feminine side, it did resonate with me a little – I have been reflecting on it.
When I thought about how I could be more in touch with my feminine energy, it got me thinking ‘What does it mean to be a woman?’
A girl said to me after class a couple of weeks ago ‘you have the body of a yoga goddess’ – ‘ A goddess’ I thought. ‘me? Beck? A goddess?’
I would never have considered myself as looking like a goddess, though what exactly does a goddess look like, what exactly does represent a woman? How does one ‘be more feminine’? It appears to me that on a large-scale femininity is measured in our image. With that it seems our looks are being adjusted to a perfectionist standard. What might we consider to be feminine? Big breasts, long hair, round bums? Big lips and long eye lashes, high cheek bones, long legs, small waists, sitting with crossed legs and never talking about bodily functions?
Then what must we do if we do not have these things? Invade our body with alien substances to meet the required specification? If our breasts are not large we should just make them bigger, right? Apply plastic eye lashes, and if you don’t have long hair? It is cool, somebody somewhere grew and sold hers so that you could have some. If your nails will not grow, not to worry – you can apply false ones, your bum isn’t big enough? Implants. You can contour your face if you do not have very high cheek bones, if the contouring gets to be too much though, you can just get fillers. Eyebrows not on fleek? Not to worry just get them tattooed. (must note I recently had my eyebrows microbladed – I know I scream hypocrite).
What it really got me thinking is, is this image of a woman artificial? Are we seeking womanhood or chasing an unattainable ideology of a woman created by the media? An image that will forever evolve, that will always be one step ahead.
Is this what makes you feminine, is this what makes you a woman?
Am I less of a woman because my breasts are my own? Am I less of a woman because I think skirts are unreasonable for sitting in a comfortable position? Am I less of a woman because I have scars on my face? Am I less of a woman because in spite of the many aliments and things I do on my body I do my upmost to just be that which I am, so that other women may feel empowered to also be all that which they are.
I recognise of course, truly ladies I do, that certain surgeries or adjustments to images can really give people a lot more confidence. And that is a beautiful thing, I recently had my brace taken off and I feel brand new and I am 100% in support of anybody doing as they please with their bodies. I am not against plastic surgeries, physical enhancements or looking good. I do not want this to appear as a judgment unto any persons image. I am envious of ladies who look 10/10 every day. You should take pride in your appearance and dress yourself up if you feel too, just ask yourself are you just as happy with how you look when you strip it all down and your head hits the pillow at night?
The part that makes me sad is, why can we not be confident without the enhancements, where did it all go wrong? Can we not be confident with small breasts, can we not be confident with scars, why can we not be confident with cellulite, why do our teeth have to be perfectly straight, our eyebrows even? And what kind of a message are we sending to the younger generation. Think how much social media is influencing our feelings towards the way that we look and there was a time when we didn’t even have mobile phone, young girls (and boys) today are victim to this from the day they are born.
I just feel saddened that we cannot just be as we are.
What I do know is, we have a duty to empower one another, globally.
I have been on a bit of a journey, most intensely in the past 3 years, of desperately trying to learn to love Rebecca exactly as she is, and though we should not be affected by the actions of others it is so hard to accept yourself when it seems every corner you turn, every ad you see, every person you speak with is trying to convince you that you just do not fit the bill – you are just not woman enough.
Truly what I have realised, is that who Rebecca is, is not the girl in the school pants and the football shirts. I did have to embrace being a woman a little more, embrace the divine feminine that lays inside of me. its a process. I started up some more self-love practices, that you can read about here, I study the history of women, I talk to more women, I spend time with more women, I seek to understand. What I have realised is that embracing my femininity does not mean changing the way that I look. It has been in recognising the power that being a woman brings.
I read recently, ‘female friends make you face your problems’. Girls always know what is going on for you, we are a collective power, our intuition means that we cannot hide our feelings from one another. We help each other heal, we help each other grow. Maybe, avoiding women, I was avoiding myself. I was not ready to heal, I was not ready to embrace my true power and purpose.
If I was to define what femininity means to me, what it truly means to be a woman. To be a woman is to recognise your true divinity, to recognise that are a CREATOR of life, that you feel and love so very deeply, because you were born with an inherent innate desire to heal the world and you were given the tools to do it. Femininity is empowering other females, femininity is empowering other men, to be a woman is to educate ourselves, to educate others. To be a woman is to recognise that sensitivity is a beautiful thing, that your empathy can heal others and heal yourself. To be a woman is to be unapologetically you, to embrace all that you are, and love all that you are and most of all to love and support all the other females (and males) around you, females of all species.
Within ALL of us, male and female alike, lies a dormant shakti energy that is awaiting her awakening, she has been sleeping too long. We are the divine, we give life ladies, we empower, WE ARE EMPOWERED. It is time to rise.
What does it mean to be a woman? To be all that you are, to be you – nothing more nothing less.
Do not ever doubt yourself! and don’t judge a book by their eyebrows…
Eternal love always,